It would appear that some of you who are still unaware of your non-existence, are worried about getting old.
This is an alien concept to me.
Surely getting old is a good thing. Especially when you consider the alternative...
Before I died, I was quite looking forward to getting old. You know, REALLY OLD!
I was looking forward to a retirement of complaining about stuff and writing letters to local councils (not necessarily ones local to me!) about how the streets are unsafe to walk at night and how it wasn't like it in my day.
I was going to write to Mars and explain that the Snickers bar I got that morning didn't have enough nuts in it and then, the next day, write and tell them that another Snickers bar purchased later had too many nuts in.
I wanted to lecture kids that were bunking off school that my headmaster used to sit on the roof of the school with a sniper rifle and shoot truant kids in the back of the head and how my parents made me walk to school in bare feet. Over broken glass. And that it was up hill both on the way there, and on the way home again.
And that one day I tripped and a piece of glass went into my knee and my dad beat me when I got home because our family was poor and we could only afford one knee between the five of us. We had to pass it around.
We got two days use each, one day for the left leg then we would swap it over to the right leg for the next day then before bed we would pass it to the next person.
It wasn't even a real knee! it was made of jam and if you were not careful, Ants would come in the night and climb up your leg and try to eat it!
ANTS EATING YOUR JAM KNEE!
My dad used to put a rag soaked in petrol around my leg and set it alight before I went to sleep to keep the ants away.
He loved me.
You kids don't know how good you've got it!
Yes getting old would be fun! After a few years of annoying the locals I intended to become extremely and offensively racist for no apparent reason!
Eventually I would get arrested and my kids would have to put me in a retirement home where I could spend my final days sitting in a wheel chair with my cock out, pissing and shitting myself.
Oh yes, I was going to have a wail of a time, but sadly, it wasn't to be.
The dead only know one thing for certain, that it doesn't matter how old you are, being alive is still better than being dead.
You kids don't know how good you've got it!
What with yer Eyepods and what's those things you play on? It used to be a box? Ex- box! That's it!
Yes getting old would be fun! After a few years of annoying the locals I intended to become extremely and offensively racist for no apparent reason!
Eventually I would get arrested and my kids would have to put me in a retirement home where I could spend my final days sitting in a wheel chair with my cock out, pissing and shitting myself.
I would stare out of the window and swear at passers-by in between furious bouts of wanking in public and wiping the spunk all over the the nurses when they try to stop me!
I had even planned to keep a stash of old spunk in a used condom, just in case they rumbled me before I had finished.I would have arranged drug swap days with the other residents and wheel chair races around the grounds!
And getting Alzheimer's! How cool would that be? Meeting new people and experiencing new stuff everyday!
Oh yes, I was going to have a wail of a time, but sadly, it wasn't to be.
The dead only know one thing for certain, that it doesn't matter how old you are, being alive is still better than being dead.
But then, death never seems to do stuff at your convenience.
Err...
What was I talking about?
Oh yes. I have heard of people crying at their own birthdays just because they are a year older than they were last year.
Now, I know it's your party, and you will cry if you want to, but let me just remind you of the facts.
And you can take this straight to the bank.
Because I'm dead, which means I know about this shit.
Firstly, Time is an illusion. Time doesn't exist. It has no start, no end and no substance. It is a creation of the powers that be and is used as a means of control, much like, but even more stupid than, money.
This thing, this man made monster, controls everything we do. Your education, your work, your eating habits, your sleeping habits, your social life, everything is controlled by the clock.
Ha ha! You're wrong!
Lets try an easier one, do you know what your age is?
Wrong again!
I'll tell you, shall I?
What was I talking about?
Oh yes. I have heard of people crying at their own birthdays just because they are a year older than they were last year.
Now, I know it's your party, and you will cry if you want to, but let me just remind you of the facts.
And you can take this straight to the bank.
Because I'm dead, which means I know about this shit.
Firstly, Time is an illusion. Time doesn't exist. It has no start, no end and no substance. It is a creation of the powers that be and is used as a means of control, much like, but even more stupid than, money.
This thing, this man made monster, controls everything we do. Your education, your work, your eating habits, your sleeping habits, your social life, everything is controlled by the clock.
Call me stupid, (most people do) but I eat when I am hungry, I sleep when I am tired and (within reason,) I get to places when I get there.
Because the clock is a false god.
The clock is a liar.
And under no circumstance should it make you cry.
This brings us neatly to point two, do you know what my age is?
Ha ha! You're wrong!
Lets try an easier one, do you know what your age is?
Wrong again!
I'll tell you, shall I?
Your age is...
Just a number.
And it means fuck all!
Just a number.
And it means fuck all!
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