Wrong slot. Not the battle cry of a woman receiving an unexpected anal entry, but the term used in Rallying when you go the wrong way at a junction.
There were a few wrong slots when my past navigator Ray Deacon and I, stumbled blindly into the night on the Flying 12 Rally. We had prepared ourselves well for being quite unprepared, which is not like us at all. For this little country shin dig, we used our trusty Corsa. The Corsa was treated to a new set of tyres for the event and proved to be quite decent in the fine art of dodging trees and keeping out of peoples hedgerows. Despite my best efforts, the little car that I stole off my granddad stayed on the road. A feat which some other crews did not manage in the icy conditions. We managed a humble fourth for our efforts, which roughly translated to last, apart from the few who crashed.
Autosport International grabbed the racing season by the scruff of the neck and marched it promptly in to 2011, pausing only to poke the recession in the eye with a pointy stick and send it whimpering back to Parliament to ask for a tax on having fun with motor cars.
Lotus were there to unveil their new, err, Lotus. The car is black with lots of gold bits stuck to it. A bit like Kanye West.
Caterham revealed a car that shocked the world, and by world I mean me, by looking absolutely nothing at all like a Lotus 7. Not even a little bit.
Martin Brundle announced that he is going to host the F1 with David "My chin is so big, it takes me three days to shave" Coulthard.
This has caused some amusement as I am led to understand, Martin is David "My chin is so big, it arrives at parties 20 minutes before I do" Coulthard's Manager.
This means when you see them standing next to each other, bringing you the next gripping instalment of the Formula tedium World Championship, Martin Brundle will be earning his money plus about 10 percent of what David "My chin is so big, it really deserves a blog all to itself" Coulthard is earning!
Anyway, as important as all of that is, none of it is really that important. I went there to do some Karting. I haven't been Karting in a long time and I was rustier than than the ring piece of a man with a fat arse and short arms and that, let me tell you my friends, is pretty rusty. After a short practice in which to prove how slow I could go, I decided that seat time was the key. Yes indeed, the less time I spent in the seat of the Kart, the more chance we had of winning anything.
Practice turned into qualifying whilst no one was paying attention and we were changing our drivers about. Which put us well down the order. 19th out of twenty to be precise. Which, if you can forgive the motorsport technical jargon, is shit.
Nigel Moore started us off and turned our abysmal qualifying performance into second place on the road, I then whittled this down to about 5th and as our drivers swapped and changed we kinda sat between 4th and 8th. Nigel then put in one more valiant effort to get us on the podium but sadly, it wasn't to be.
Those of you who attended Autosport International will probably know I spent the rest of the show guarding the #08 RCD-UK Late Model from you smelly common folk. And when Nick Knowles called me on stage for an interview, you all went and wiped bogies on the car, didn't you?
Well, I'm not scared of your bogies.
I eat bogies for breakfast.
And anyway, it's not my car.
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