On French cars:
"It doesn't annoy me that the French make such awful cars, what is annoying is that they don't keep them to themselves. They impose these shit-box contraptions on the rest of the world."
Explaining the dangers of Ralling:
"Sometimes, on the Rally Africa, the people that live in the villages try to touch the cars out on the stage and lose their fingers. Mechanics are forever picking out bits of finger from the grills of their race cars. But it's ok, because the people that live there are not, like, real people."
Post race at Ipswich:
"I had a perfectly balanced car. It had no grip at the front and no grip at the back."
On his questionable cooking prowess:
"If God wanted me to be good in the kitchen, he wouldn't have made me so damn attractive."
Post qualifying at Silverstone:
"I discovered Copse wasn't quite flat when I left the track backwards."
To the E.L.M.S fans who voted for him to win the 2011 Ipswich race:
"Thanks everyone, I love you, but the question was who do you THINK will win, not who do you WANT to win."
On his attitude:
"I'm not arrogant, I'm just really really good."
On the death of Ryan Dunn:
"I believe it was Ryan Dunn's God given right to kill himself at high speed in his car. May he rest in peace. Spare a thought for the passenger he murdered whilst you're writing your tributes though."
Asked how the team predicts the weather for car set-up @Warneton:
"You can tell it is going to rain by the cows. They will all have their umbrellas up."
On Hentai:
"I drew Melfina from Outlaw Star naked, then I felt bad when I looked in her eyes, so I drew some clothes on her."
To the parent of a child who wants to be Sebastian Vettle when they grow up:
"Sounds fair. He wants to be better than Jenson Button and he isn't black enough to be Lewis Hamilton."
On food:
"Al dente. That's Italian for not bloody cooked."
Explaining motorsport terms to a journalist:
"Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car. Oversteer is when you hit the wall with the back of the car. Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall and torque is how far you take the wall with you."
On his home:
"Brighton. I am sure someone told me it was the home of diversity. Yet, it seems to me that for every bohemian you can find in this city, I can find you three intolerant assholes wandering around town looking for a fight."
Passing judgement on the TVR Griffith 500:
"Fast, flashy, high maintenance and temperamental."
Team mate:
"Yes, you are, but what did you think of the car?"
On the Brighton Argus:
"I feel sorry for the ten year old girl on the cover of the Argus who lost her dad, because everyone is going straight to the sports pages to read about how wonderful I am."
Post race at Hednesford:
"I don't think of myself as someone special, I am a normal person like you and everyone else, just that I have wicked skills and I am better looking."
On facebook:
"I don't understand why facebook gives me the option to like my statuses. Of course I like my statuses, I'm fucking hilarious."
On food:
"Another top tip. When you are choking on a piece of cheese, don't try to dislodge the blockage with more cheese. It doesn't work."
Post race at Lydden:
"I don't have a championship campaign, I just win as many races as I can."
On BMX:
"I don't do trails in the rain. I have enough trouble staying on the bike as it is."
On life:
"I have, since the age of eleven, solved most of the moral dilemmas that crop up in my day to day life by simply thinking "What would Nikki Sixx do?"
Asked by house mate if it would be better to buy a bed than a BMW:
"Don't be stupid. How can you go drifting with a bed?"
About his sick sense of humour:
"It's not a sick sense of humour, it's a test to see if I like you."
On his random singing:
"Sometimes I hear myself singing and think 'Why haven't I released an album yet?'"
On media appearances and interviews:
"I hate the sound of my own voice so much, you think I would just shut up."
On knives:
"I don't like the word 'knife'. It sounds all violent and stabby. From today, all knives will be called 'Cuddle Spanners'."
On fashion:
"I look better in John Morrison's sunglasses than John Morrison."
On the ASI Charity Kart Race:
"I'm racing Ben Collins on Thursday. Does anybody have a shirt that says 'You were the Stig'?"
On the F1 2011 game:
"The new F1 game for the PS3 is so realistic. Codemasters have really captured the essence of the sport. It's boring, tedious and makes an annoying noise that gives you a headache."
On his blog:
"Reading my blog is the new doing something worthwhile and interesting."
On the close of the racing season:
"Close season is when we use our fireproof underwear to keep heat in rather than out."
On being single:
"I have yet to learn the fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away."
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